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Searching for our Fathers

   SEARCHING FOR OUR FATHERS


"For you have not received a spirit of slavery leading to fear again, but you have received a spirit of adoption as sons by which we cry out, "Abba! Father!"' Romans 8:15

IN THIS SESSION YOU WILL...

- Learn to deal openly and honesty with your own father.
- Honour and confront the past, even the pain of that relationship.
- Be free to be the kind of father God called you to be.

FINDING FATHER,
FINDING SELF

  

This discussion will help you get comfortable talking about yourself and your father to at least two other men seated near you.

Break into groups of threes, no more. Try to get in a group with two others you don't know at all, or at least not very well.

During this time the other two men should do no talking, but will instead be good listeners. You may nod and make positive statements like, "Hmmm" or "Tell me more!" but don't rescue the other man by talking for him.

ROUND ONE

Tell the other two men in your group as much as you can about yourself (one minute). 		   
• Where you were born.
• Where you grew up.
• How many brothers and sisters you have.
• When you came to know Christ.
• Whether you are married or single.
• Everything you can share in one minute.
    In this section, we're going to take one step backwards and deal openly and honestly with our own fathers, in order to take two steps forward into healthy relationships.

ROUND TWO

Describe to the other two men in your group as much as you can about your own father (one minute).
• Where he was born.
• What he did for a living.
• Whether he was a Christian.
• What he was like as a father.
• What he was like as a husband to your mother.
• Was he there for you growing up, or was he absent.
• Whatever comes to your mind about your own father.
   

STEPS TO STARTING OVER

1. Identify your father's impact on you. If it was good - celebrate and thank the Lord. If not - begin to grieve it and leave it. Feel it to heal it.

2. Recognise the woundedness and forgive.
     
ROUND THREE

Tell the other two men in your group how significant you felt in your father's eyes when you were growing up.
Use a scale from 1 to 10.
10 = extremely significant   1 = insignificant
Share why you chose that number.

Tell the other two men in your group how secure you felt in your father's eyes when you were growing up.
Use a scale from 1 to 10.
10 = extremely secure   1 = very insecure
Share why you chose that number.

  3. Start over with your father. Remember - he could only give you what he himself received. Focus on what is left, not what is lost.

4. Remember: You are part of a redeemed community of men who want to give you the blessing.

Freedom comes from forgiveness

There's one more reason why we need to come to grips with the father issues in our lives. For some of us, our anger toward the past is not only causing things to go poorly for us, but it may even be shortening our life! .

As it says in Scripture:

"Honour your father and mother, so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you." Exodus 20:12

(Research studies show repressed anger can lead to ulcers, respiratory illness, arthritis, and even cancer!)

Most of all, thank God, our Heavenly Father, for all the ways He loves us.
It is in His love that we find genuine significance, security, and forgiveness.
It's in His strength that we'll even find the strength to deal with our past
and make peace with our parents.

Resource: "What Makes a Man?" - Chapter 6 "The Promises you make to your Parents."